k0wts.o94

o931. Great friendship is about two main things:
First is to find out the similarities.
And second is to respect the differences.

o932. FACT:
The human brain can operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells but naturally,
It attacks the slowest and weakest brain first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells
Making the brain faster and more efficient.
That's why you always feel smart when you're drunk.
Palakpakan, mga lasenggo!

o933. BOY: Miss, para kang chicharon.
GIRL: Bakit naman?
BOY: Ang sarap mong papakin, eh!
(Bakla umepal)
BAKLA: Ako rin, parang chicharon.
BOY: Oo, tangina mo! Nakakahighblood ka.

o934. Some years ago,
A newspaper offered a prize for the best definition of money..
Out of the hundreds who competed submitted this food for thought.
"Money is a universal provider for everything but not happiness.
And a passport to everywhere but never in heaven."

o935. "You will get tired as everyone else does..
You can have all the choices to stop.
But remember, taking a good rest is a lot different from giving up."

o936. Don't be sad when you experience break ups.
Why?
Kasi hindi ginawa ang break up para masaktan ka at lumuha.
Ginawa ang break up para ilayo ka sa maling tao na akala mo tama.

o937. Thought for a lifetime:
If you want to be happy, you will wait forever.
But if you decide to be happy, you will then be happy forever.
Kaya be happy, now na..

o938. Sometimes, it doesn't matter who DUMPED or GOT DUMPED,
It all comes down to who's BITTER
And who got BETTER.

o939. Sana signal nalang ako ng cellphone mo,
Para kapag nawala ako,
Gagawa ka ng paraan para bumalik ako.
Witwiw!

o940. Have you noticed the grass?
Even if somebody steps on it,
It never gets hurt.
It never hurts others too.
When a wild storm attacks,
All the big trees get uprooted
But the simple grass survives.
So stay noble and humble like the grass.

k0wts.o93

o921. Don't be afraid to take chances even if it might hurt you.
Just be strong and take it.
'Coz you might miss that single chance that would change your life and make you complete.

o922. 'Wag mong hayaang mawala sa'yp ang mahal mo kung may nagawa man syang masama.
Matuto kang magpatawad dahil walang taong perpekto.
Tanggapin mo kung ano at sino sya.
Dahil ang pagmamahal,
Hindi nasusukat sa ugali.
Kundi sa sinasabi ng puso.
Nagmahal ka pa kung sa simpleng pagkakamali lang nya, umaayaw ka na.

o923. Minsan may nagmahal sa akin.
Nangakong hindi ako iiwan.
Pero hindi natupad!
Masakit yun, alam mo ba?
Kaya kung mahal mo ako,
Pwede ba, mahalin mo nalang ako?
'Wag ka nang mangako.

o924. PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: Anong meron ka na wala sa'yo?
ESTUDYANTE: Meron po akong mahal pero wala sa akin.

o925. Naalala mo dati, umiiyak ako.
Sabi mo, "Tahan na, andito naman ako, eh. 'Di kita pababayaan."
Ngayon, umiiyak na naman ako.
Niyakap mo ako.
Sabi mo, "Tama na, makakalimutan mo rin ako."

o926. I'm not a perfect lover.
I say what's on my mind.
I start fights.
I get jealous.
Sometimes, I don't want to understand things.
I'm demanding.
I'm childish.
I'm moody.
But there are three things that I love about me.
I'm sweet.
I'm faithful.
And when I chose you,
It's only you.

o927. "Don't cry over someone who doesn't deserve your tears."
Remember:
"Ang pinakamatinding pang-asar sa taong nanakit sa'yo ay isang matamis na ngiti."

o928. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So, love the person who treat you right,
Forget about the ones who don't,
And believe that everything happens for a reason.
Know a good thing when you see it.
And don't let it slip away.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said it would be easy,
They just said, it would be worth it.

o929. We love ourselves even after doing many mistakes.
Then how can we hate others for their one mistake?

o930. In love, you can make mistakes,
But the biggest mistake you could ever do is to give up someone you love and say:
"It's for the best,
So we'll stop hurting each other."

k0wts.o92

o911. Question:
When do you congratulate someone for their mistake?
Answer:
On their wedding..

o912. Bruce: I’m kinda scared. I got a letter that says if I don’t stop dating his wife, he’s gonna shoot me.
Vince: Well, then stop.
Bruce: Which one? It wasnt signed!

o913. I'm not wishing for an instant happily ever after
I'm just hoping for a real, sincere love
Eventhough the relationship won't last forever.

o914. "The heart was made to be broken." --Oscar Wilde

o915. "I refuse to let what happened make me feel bitter.
I still completely believe in love,
And I am open to anything that will happen to me."
--Nicole Kidman

o916. "When you break up,
Your whole identity is shattered.
It's like death."
--Dennis Quaid

o917. Mother Theresa:
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

o918. A million words would no bring you back,
I know because I tried.
Neither would a million tears,
I know because I cried.

o919. Jesus said,
"I will no longer call you servants,
Because a servant does not know his master's business.
Instead I have called you friends,
For everything I've learned from my Father,
I have made known to you."

o920. A wise man once said that every person should maintain at least three kinf of friendships:
1. Friends of your age whom you can talk over your problems, goals, plans and confidence.
2. Friends younger than you whom you can share your life's experiences.
3. Friends older than you whom you can confide and be assured of wise counsel.
It is not in being helped but in helping others that you can find release from your inner tensions.
Be strong always.

k0wts.o91

o901. Definition of Honeymoon
The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss..

o902. Life is like cotton, don’t make it heavier by sinking it in sorrow of water,
But make it lighter by letting it blow in the air of joy..

o903. “If every beat 0f my heart is caused by pe0ple wh0 are kind and sweet t0 me,
I just want t0 say, THANK YOU..
For keeping me ALIVE!”

o904. They love u but they are not your lover..
They care for u but they are not from your family..
They are ready to share your pain but they are not in your blood relation.
They are:
Friends..
True friend scolds like a Dad!
Cares like a Mom!
Teases like a Sister!
Irritates like a Brother!
And finally loves u more than a lover.

o905. Content:
There are two perfect guys out there,
The only problem is they’re dating each other.

o906. Mahirap magsabi ng “sorry”
Mahirap magsabi ng "mahal kita"
Mahirap magsabi ng "kailangan kita"
Pero nalaman ko, pinakamahirap palang sabihin yung
Lower, rural, ruler ng 10 times na mabilis.
Totoo, try mo!

o907. Babae: Sabong, bilyar, casino! Puro ka na lng sugal! Pinababayaan mo na kami!
Lalake: Magbabago na ako! Mula ngaun, di ko na gagawin lahat un.
Babae: Talaga lng, ha?!
Lalake: Oo nga! Kahit magpustahan pa tayo!

o908. Many times, the things we complain about are the good things.
We grumble about having too much work while others don’t even have.
We complain waking up early in the morning while others don’t even have a reason to live.
We grouse about gaining weight while others don’t even have food on their tables.
Everyday, the Lord fills our lives with so much goodness.
All we need to do is open our eyes and give thanks for each of them..

o909. To laugh is to risk appearing foolish.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing one’s true self.
To place ideas before a crowd is to risk ridicule.
To hope is to risk despair.
Yet the person who risks nothing and does nothing ultimately becomes nothing.

o910. A boy writing a paper on childbirth asks his parents, ‘How was I born?’
MOM: (awkwardly) The stork brought you.
BOY: Oh. Well, how were u & daddy born?
MOM: Oh, the stork brought us, too, & Grandpa & Grandma.
The boy wrote his paper,
‘This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations…’

k0wts.o90

o891. A teacher asked her young student,
‘Why should you never accept candy from strangers?’
One girl knew.
‘Because it might be past the sell-by date.’

o892. Thought of the day:
“Walang taong panget,
Nagkataon lang na yung mukha nila, hindi uso.”

o893. THINGS THAT BRING GREAT PEACE:
Try to do another’s will rather than your own.
Always choose to have less rather than more.
Always choose the lowest place and to be less than everyone else.
Always long and pray that the will of God may be fully done throughout your life!

o894. Seek what you wish from God, not from men.
Be satisfied in joy; there is honor therein.
On friends and relatives be not a burden.
Rich is he who hopes from God, not from men.

o895. The value of service lies in the spirit in which you serve and not in the importance or magnitude of the service.
Even the lowliest task or deed is made holy, joyous, and prosperous when it is filled with love.

o896. A teacher was doing a study of testing the sense of taste of 1st-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The pupils began to identify the flavors by their colors: red, cherry, yellow, lemon, etc.
Lastly, teacher gave them HONEY Lifesavers,
None of the pupils could identify taste so she gave them a clue,
‘It’s what ur mother sometimes call ur father.’
One of the pupils looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver and yelled,
‘Oh my God! They’re assholes!’

o897. GUY ask his WIFE:
Darling, what wuld u do if I’ve won in lotto?
Wife: I’d take half, then leave you.
Guy: Good! I bet on Sueltres lotto three numbers & won P1000, take ur P500..
Good bye!

o898. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” --Plato

o899. A Taleban terrorist didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it.
BOOM!

o900. At a Rotarian meeting, the members were challenged to come up with an insipirational sentence using the word countenance.
The winning entry was ‘I put a cheerful countenance on people every day.’
It was submitted by a mortuary owner.

k0wts.o89

o881. Have you ever asked yourself why does everything in this world have to be complicated?
Why do we have to see lots of varieties and choices yet we only need one?
Why can't everything just be simple?
That's life.
Enjoy it!
It doesn't matter if you pick up the wrong one.
After all, how will you know which is right if you don't know which is wrong?

o882. SIGN OF THE TIMES:
Saan nagtatago ang mga taong may pagkakasala at umiiwas sa imbestigasyon?
NOON: Sa simbahan.
NGAYON: Sa St. Luke’s Medical Center

o883.MISIS: Hoy! Lasing ka na naman! Napakairesponsable mo! Lumalaklak ka na naman samantalang yung mga anak natin, wala nang makain!
MISTER: Anong wala? Ipinadala ko na nga yung pulutan sa bahay, eh!

o884. Happiness is a product of the mind, of attitude and thought.
It comes from you, not to you.
To be happy you must choose to be happy;
The Scriptures say, ‘as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.’
Stay happy!

o885. We’re all fighting a battle of some kind, but some are not winning!
Winners have one thing in common: a strong faith that refuses to quit.

o886.A gangster, a rapist, and a murderer are in the same car..
Who’s driving the car?
A police officer!
Hehehe…

o887. Man prays to God:
Dear God give me hard times,
Give me pain,
Destroy my sleep at night,
Destroy my happy moments during the day,
Let loose a ghost behind my back,
Take away my happiness and comforts,
Make me bankrupt ..
And God interrupts:
"Why don’t you simply say you want a wife?"

o888. We feel secure in our own home or community,
But when we are put into unfamiliar surroundings,
We can easily become frightened.
Faith is adapting yourself to the unfamiliar.
Faith says you’re adaptable!
This is the opportunity to grow.

o889. In times of problems..
God gives us 3 things:
The problem,
The solution,
And the lesson.

o890. Kapag balisa ka remember God’s promises.
Kapag inis ka, control yourself.
Kapag may problema ka, pray.
At kapag wala kang pera, isipin mo ako.
Hindi ka nag-iisa!
Wala rin akong pera…

k0wts.o88

o871. Hindi naman lahat ng taong sa palagay mong special ay dapat mong makarelasyon.
Minsan, tama na yung alam nyong mahalaga kayo sa isa't isa.

o872. A valuable thought:
"Don't show so much love to anyone because it creates a non-curable pain when they start avoiding you."

o873. If someone throws a stone on you, throw back love.
But if someone throws love at you,
Think.
Think well.
Don't just throw back love.
Because love might hurt more than a stone.

o874. "Don't try to understand everything,
Because sometimes, it's not meant to understand.
But, rather to accept."

o875. Don't waste your time and effort crying all over the same reason again and again.
Once is enough,
A second time is enough,
And the third is not necessary.
Keep in mind that there are things worth fighting for.
But there are also things worth letting go.
The only things you should keep are the LESSONS you've learned.
And the MEMORIES which made you happy.
Always remember there is always a bright side to everything.

o876. GIRL: Nagddrugs ka ba?
BOY: Why should I pollute my precious body with unnecessary drugs when my only desire is your smile to make me HIGH.
Haha!

o877. There's nothing wrong in making mistakes.
What's wrong is letting it stay as a mistake without the effort of making it right.

o878. Always remember that God only makes happy endings.
If it's not happy,
Then it is not yet the end.
Live by love and hope.
There's always something to look forward to.

o879. "If you have a chance to seize a moment that you know will be memorable, GRAB IT!
Always think that NEXT TIME may never come."

o880. Never be tired of doing little things for others,
Sometimes those little things are the big things which are treasured and kept in their hearts.